thus making me awesome and them whores
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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