He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
