I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
