fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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