I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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