Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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