Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
