her facebook's as public as her vagina
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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