Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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