dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
