so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Panties = found
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
