so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
