Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
