I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
