My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
