I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
