A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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