I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
