first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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