i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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