My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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