Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
