imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
