Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
