wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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