is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
