why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
