i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
