Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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