Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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