my vag is so smooth its legendary
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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