So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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