Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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