meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
