yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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