well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
