Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cockslap morals
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
