as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
