I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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