My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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