My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
