what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
