why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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