Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
