I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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