I skipped work to stalk him.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
