oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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