Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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