I wish I could punch you in the face.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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