You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
