u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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