we have officially lost it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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