It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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