How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
