last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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